Creating and Honoring Healthy Boundaries

Do you find yourself saying “yes” when you really mean “no”?  Are there aspects of your life that aren’t going well but you aren’t certain what changes need to be made to bring them in better order?  Creating healthy boundaries is an important skill to cultivate in order to achieve a life of peace and joy.  At the same time, learning to recognize and honor other people’s boundaries is equally important for healthy and lasting relationships.

Boundaries provide a clear, moral compass.  They help us to align with our values, keep us on track with our goals and life, and they protect the important parts of ourselves like our energy, our physical body, our relationships and our time.

We all define and set goals for ourselves, but do you always ensure that these goals align with your values and boundaries?  Are you at all times truly aware of your priority values? Think about the parts of your life that are working well, that have integrity.  This wholeness comes from the boundaries you have set to protect them.  Now think about the parts of your life that are not working so well.  What do you think you need to do to make these parts work better?

A boundary is like a membrane, similar to your skin, which keeps your organs intact.  A boundary is a limit that promotes integrity. By the limits that you set, you protect the integrity of your day, your energy and spirit, the health of your relationships and the pursuits of your heart.  We have many types of boundaries that we consciously, subconsciously and even unconsciously create in our lives:

• Friendship boundaries
• Time boundaries
• Communication boundaries
• Anger boundaries
• Intimacy boundaries
• Gender boundaries (prevent sexual harassment and promote equality in the workplace)
• Appearance boundaries (e.g., dress codes, make-up)

Boundaries are intentions we make to help improve the quality of our life and relationships. Pick an area of your life that isn't going well. Now, ask yourself if you have clear boundaries in place. If so, when and where are you not honoring your boundaries? If you don't have clear boundaries in place, define your boundary goals by asking yourself the following questions:

• What isn't working?
• What needs to be done to make it work?
• What needs to happen first?
• What will be the consequences if others don't honor these boundaries?

Once you have defined your boundaries, communicate them and note any improvements that occur with regard to the situation you are addressing.  If you don’t see improvements, review your boundaries and ask yourself if they are too rigid or too flexible.  Make adjustments and re-communicate as needed.  The more you practice putting healthy boundaries in place and communicating them appropriately to others, the easier it will become!

Deborah Perkins

Website:  Luminous Transformations

Facebook:  Luminous Transformations

Google Voice: (480) 788-7140