Control Dramas

Control dramas are behaviors exhibited to secure power or control over a person or group of people. They are conscious or unconscious struggles for power—competitions for human energy. Whether or not you are aware, you have exercised control dramas and have been the victim of other people’s control dramas throughout your life. However, you may find that there are 1 or 2 specific control dramas you demonstrate based on your personality type and learned behaviors.

In the book The Celestine Prophecy by James Redfield, he outlines 4 major control dramas:

• The Intimidator: This highly aggressive control drama is demonstrated through threats, either verbal or physical, to force you to bend to this person’s will for fear that something bad might happen to you, or sometimes just to get you to pay attention to this person and give him or her your energy.
• The Poor Me or Victim: Contrary to the Intimidator drama, this control drama is very passive. A person demonstrating this drama will tell you all the horrible things that are happening to him or her, implying that you are responsible, and that if you refuse to help, these horrible things will continue. They position everything they say and do to put you in a place where you have to defend against the idea that you are not doing enough for this person. They make you feel guilty just being around them.
•  The Interrogator: The person demonstrating this control drama is subtle in their aggression, finding fault and slowly undermining your world in order to get your energy. They set up a drama of asking questions and probing into your world with the specific purpose of finding something wrong with your answers. Once they do, then they criticize this aspect of your life. If this strategy succeeds, you will suddenly find yourself becoming self-conscious about your words and actions. You will pay attention to what the interrogator is doing and thinking about because you don’t want to do something wrong that the Interrogator will notice. This psychic deference gives the Interrogator the energy he or she desires.
• The Aloof: A person demonstrating the Aloof control drama will withdraw from conversations. They will look and act mysterious and secretive and may tell you, or give you the impression, that they are being cautious when in fact they are trying to pull you into their drama. You will find yourself trying to figure out what is going on with the Aloof, perhaps questioning them. When you do question them, they will remain vague forcing you to struggle and dig more to discern their true feelings.

There is a noticeable pattern with these 4 basic control dramas. The Intimidator drama creates the Poor Me drama and when they are in a relationship together expressing their dramas, they will feed from each other’s energies. Interrogator control dramas create Aloof control dramas and vice versa. People who predominantly express these dramas will oftentimes be in relationships and feed from each other’s energies.

The key to letting go of a control drama is first to bring it fully into your awareness. You do that by looking back through your life at your behavior patterns in conflict situations. Notice the particular style of control you have exercised over others. Notice what you may have learned in childhood to get attention and energy moving your way. Perhaps you had a parent who exhibited Intimidator control drama behavior causing you to adopt Poor Me control drama behaviors.

Second, you must make a conscious decision to let go of the need to control others to get attention, or energy. Learn and practice techniques to defuse control dramas when demonstrated by you or others. Over time, you will find healthier alternatives to obtaining energy such as tapping into the infinite supply of universal energy through meditation.

Deborah Perkins
Luminous Transformations
480-788-7140